What is a Third Place? (And Why We All Need One)

There’s a good chance you already know what a “third place” is, even if you’ve never heard the term before. Think about it: beyond the walls of your home and outside the grind of work, is there a familiar spot where you find your people? Maybe it’s that cozy coffee shop where the barista knows your order, the yoga studio where you’ve high-fived strangers after nailing a tough pose, or even the local dog park where you chat while your pups live their best lives. That’s a third place.

The concept comes from sociologist Ray Oldenburg, who coined the term back in the early ‘90s. He saw something shifting in how we live our lives—long hours at work, siloed suburbs, and the rise of convenience that makes staying home the easiest option. But here’s the catch: when you’re wrapped up in home or work, it’s easy to lose that sense of community, that connection to something bigger than yourself.

So, what exactly is a third place? Simply put, it’s a public space where you regularly go to connect with others—friends, strangers, even acquaintances who feel like they’ve always been on the perimeter of your life. It’s not about productivity or errands; it’s about showing up for something you enjoy. Something that fills your cup.

Why We All Need a Third Place

Okay, be honest—are you feeling a little weary lately? Like every day is just about keeping up, checking boxes, and shuffling between home and work (or Zoom screen to Zoom screen)? You’re not alone. In this always-on world, finding space to breathe, to pause, to connect feels harder than ever. But that’s exactly why third places matter so much.

Here’s the magic of a third place: it’s not home, where laundry and dishes might be calling your name. And it’s not work, where there’s always another deadline. A third place is neutral ground. It’s like pressing pause on life for an hour or two—not so you can escape, but so you can connect.

Third places give us something essential: community. Human connection fuels us in a way that nothing else can. Sure, you can swipe through your text messages or scroll online, but there’s something different about sitting across from someone, sharing stories, laughs, or even just a companionable silence. It's refreshing in a way that’s hard to put into words—like taking a deep breath you didn’t know you needed.

What Happens When We Don’t Have One?

Without a third place in our lives, it’s easy to feel… disconnected. You might start to notice a heaviness creeping in. Maybe loneliness pops up even when you’re surrounded by people. Or everything starts to feel transactional—like you’re just going through the motions.

Oldenburg was onto something when he talked about how siloed our worlds have become. Suburbs, long commutes, and technology mean we’re more isolated than ever before. And while convenience is great—who doesn’t love having everything you need delivered to your door without changing out of sweatpants?—it’s not the same as showing up somewhere, engaging with others, and being part of a shared experience.

Finding (or Creating) Your Third Place

So, what if you don’t have a third place right now? No judgment, no pressure—let’s look at how to find one or maybe even create one.

Start by asking yourself: *Where do I feel comfortable, like I can just be me? And: What’s something I enjoy doing that connects me with others?

Here’s the thing about third places: they’re not one-size-fits-all. Your ideal spot might be a bustling bookstore where you chat with fellow readers, a running group that meets at sunrise, or a brewery where trivia nights turn strangers into teammates. It could be a knitting circle, a gaming cafe, or even just a quiet park bench where familiar faces pass by regularly.

If nothing comes to mind, that’s okay. Sometimes finding a third place means stepping outside your comfort zone—or even creating one yourself. Could you invite a few friends (or soon-to-be friends) to weekly board game nights? Start a book club at your local library? Host a community garden meetup? You don’t need a large group or a formal invitation to begin.

Bringing Back Connection

Having a third place isn’t just about filling your calendar—it’s about filling your heart. It’s about showing up consistently to a space where you belong, where the awkwardness fades and the familiar takes root.

We’re all wired for connection. Sharing stories, exchanging laughs, and building a sense of community—it’s what makes life richer. And in this fast-paced world, where everything seems to pull us in a hundred directions, a third place offers a grounding point.

If you’ve been craving that connection or feeling a little “blah” lately, maybe this is your nudge to find (or make) your third place. Because we all need somewhere we can step out of our endless to-do list and just…be.

What about you? Do you already have a third place—or are you dreaming about what yours could look like? I’d love to hear your thoughts; let’s keep this conversation going.

Here’s to finding your place—and your people.

❤️ Mahalo

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